Dear Diary, Life is Like a Box of Chocolates.

I’m starting this off with a confession. I’ve never watched the movie Forrest Gump in its entirety. I’m not sure if this is a big deal to everyone or if it’s just a generational thing, but I’m fairly sure I'll receive a lot of backlash for not being mildly interested in watching it (Sorry Tom Hanks! You killed it in Captain Phillips though!). However, I do know the famous line “Life is like a box chocolates. You never know what you’re gonna get.” I think Forrest’s mom was one brilliant woman for this simile, like a Gandhi for the 90’s I suppose. Because truth be told, life doesn’t come with a table of contents. You have no clue what your next chapter of life will look like. You pray it’s not shitty like those chocolates that have cherry cream filling (or whatever the fresh hell that flavor is supposed to be…you know what I’m talking about. I’m gagging thinking about it.) Instead you hope it’s like those good caramel or peanut filled chocolates…Ooh! Or the one with coconut; that’s my jam! But unless you’re getting a fancy Walt Whitman assortment of chocolates with the little cheat sheets in it, you really are reaching in that box blindly, praying for the best outcome.

As brilliant as Mama Gump’s candy themed statement was, I thought of a different way to describe the box that we can compare life to. In my opinion, life is more like a memory box. This idea hit me when I was gifted a memory box from some of my friends and family, for what should have been Wes’s 27th birthday. In that box were pictures, some of Wes’s old school work, and letters from some of our friends and family of their memories of Wes and me (I gave Kim K a run for her money with the ugly cry face). It hit me after reading the first few letters that at the end of the day, the memories that you share with people before you leave this earth is really what’s most important. And Wes sure did leave us with some great memories! It's funny that there seems to be a general theme in the stories people wrote about him. Here are the over-arching themes of who Wes was from our nearest and dearest....

Wes was athletic. Many of us were awestruck, and also down right annoyed, that Wes seemed to be able to pick up any sport or athletic activity and be an all-star immediately. One of my favorite examples of Wes’s athletic ability was when we decided to start playing tennis with my family. My mom, brother, and I viewed this sport as a nice, leisure Sunday activity. Wes viewed it as his ability to give Federer a run for his money. One afternoon we were playing doubles and Wes was my partner, but my mom and I may as well have been sitting in the car based on how E X T R A Wes and Cruz were being. You would have thought we were playing at Wimbledon and he felt the need to carry the team on his back. All I can say is, I was glad I was not on the other side of the court because Wes’s only goal was to hit that damn tennis ball so hard you could see smoke coming off of it (picture Wii Tennis). By the end of the day, he was serving the ball like the next Nadal and getting so irritated if he messed up, that he’d send the tennis ball soaring over the fence in a true Grand Slam/Big Papi fashion. He was just competitive like that. He loved a challenge. Another example was when he first started wake boarding. Someone told him it’d probably take him a couple months to get the hang of getting up out of the water. Wesley was a pro by his second try. Another time, my mom and I drug him to a CrossFit class to show him just how intense a workout was. He drug me to class the next day in full CrossFit gear…the shoes, the socks, the wrist wraps, etc. We were completing a partner workout and he would be damned if we finished last. When he was interested in joining the fire academy and heard of the intensity of the physical test, he went to Dick’s Sporting Goods, bought a heavy weighted vest and speed parachute to help him get in shape. I still remember he and Matt working out in the empty fields that surrounded our apartment. He just dedicated himself to challenges. He wasn’t going to half ass anything…ever. His mental toughness and focused mindset really carried over into every aspect of his life. He taught me a lot about the importance of mindset and that's something that I cling to on a daily basis now.

Wes was the biggest cheerleader. Not only was he competitive, he was supportive. He wanted to see the people he cared about accomplish their goals. I vividly remember him sitting down at the kitchen table in our apartment helping me strategically plan volleyball rotations and create solutions to issues I was seeing with my teams (even though he’d never played the sport before in his life and should have probably cared minimally about the success of a middle school volleyball team). He just cared like that though; He knew I loved those girls and he wanted us to be successful just as much as I did. He used to come to the grass tournaments I played in too. After each match we’d sit around the cooler and he’d hype me up like a boxing coach when their competitor got a break in the ring. We’d create game plans for the next match and he’d point out our competitors flaws. I was in no way qualifying for an Olympic team, but HE took it seriously because he knew it was something I was passionate about. But, he wasn’t just this way with me. He was the biggest cheerleader to my siblings as they started and finished their volleyball, baseball, and tennis careers. He was always there to offer insight and encouragement. He LOVED watching his younger brothers and nephew play baseball; I think it gave him a sense of pride that they were carrying on the baseball legacy he built. I’ll never forget how excited he was to get a coaching job at White Knoll High because that meant he’d be right there to support his brother Colby. It’s just hard to come by people who genuinely want what’s best for you these days, but Wes was one of those people.

Wes was the life of the party. Some of the best memories I (and apparently his friends too) have of Wes often included a party/celebratory setting. Unfortunately, I was not in the picture when the infamous ‘Project X’ themed party occurred, but man did I hear of it frequently in all of our years together (sort of bummed I missed that one too). I have memories from tailgating for Newberry, USC, and Panthers football games (we LOVED a good sporting event). I have memories from house parties at the Goat House, the Bird House, and Brookside (iykyk Newberry Alum). I have memories from family gatherings and holiday events. I have memories from birthday parties, weddings, and family vacations. And while Wes enjoyed any occasion that allowed him to eat, drink, and be merry, it was always more about the company for him. He wanted to create as many memories as possible with friends and family; he didn’t care what the occasion was. I remember I used to poke fun of him because he had a habit of saying “Babe, _______ is coming into town, so we need to do something fun because I NEVER get to see them.” When, in reality, he saw this person every other month. He just wanted his friends and family to have a good time. He wanted to see them laugh. He wanted to create these memories we now are all desperately holding on to in order to remember him. I’m thankful in so many ways that he was the life of the party, no matter how many nights of sleep I missed because of it.

Wes thought everything was ‘THE BEST’. I literally LOL at the thought of this one because everyone who knows Wes really well, knows that everything was 'the best' in his eyes. We’d try a new restaurant and it was the best food in the world. We’d watch a new show on Netflix and it was the best show he’d ever seen. I’d try a new recipe and it was the best meal I'd ever made. We’d travel some place new and it was the best place he’d ever been to. He’d meet someone new and that person would be his new best friend. My favorite example of this was the cruise we took after he graduated from Newberry (I thought it was a graduation cruise; turns out, it was an engagement cruise...classic mix up). A huge group of us went (Can I get a reunion cruise soon plz?) and were lucky enough to be able eat dinner together at the same table. Every single night we’d laugh, because after each meal Wes would say, “Oh my God that was the best thing I’ve ever eaten in my life.” It didn’t matter if it was frog legs, a prime rib, or pizza…it was THE best. That inside joke still carries on to this day, but I think it speaks volumes about Wes's character. He was a perpetual optimist. He always saw 'the best' in everything; I could take a tip or two from him honestly.

Wes loved hard. He loved his family so much, there was no question. He credited them for his success and for shaping him into who he was. You want to talk about a mama’s boy?? That was Wes through and through. He loved that woman more than life, and always recognized how strong, kind, and caring she was, and continues to be. He wanted nothing more than to see her happy, healthy, and enjoying time with her kids and grandkids. I always thought it was so sweet how seriously he took gift-giving when it came to his mom. He never allowed me to pick out her gifts; he wanted to do it. He took pride in knowing what she’d want and didn’t want to skimp out on an opportunity to make her smile. The way he cared for her made my heart happy, and to all the single ladies out there, watch how a man treats his mama! When it came to Wes, it wasn’t just about loving his family. He loved his friends just as much. His friend joined the army/navy? He couldn’t believe that HIS friend would be fighting for OUR country. His friend was going to dental school? He couldn’t wait to tell people HIS friend was a dentist (or be his office manager apparently). His friend was moving to Honolulu, or Portland, or Baton Rogue? He couldn’t believe HIS friends lived all over the country and he couldn't wait to visit. His friend was having a baby? He couldn’t WAIT to be an uncle. His friend was getting married? He couldn’t WAIT to welcome the bride-to-be in this crazy family of friends. I remember we went to dinner one night for a friend’s birthday. The restaurant didn’t have a big enough table to sit our large party so Wes and I, and another couple sat together in a booth away from the larger party. By the end of the night, Wes could not quit talking about my friend’s boyfriend who was sitting with us. He kept saying, “That dude was hilarious”, “I love that guy”, “We’ve got to hang out with him again soon”. It still amazes me that he just welcomed people like that; He loved everyone right off the bat! Once you were a friend to him, you were family, and he loved you like family. I freaking love that big heart of his.

The best part about the memory box I received was the bigger revelation that hit me after reading all these sweet letters that friends and family wrote me. See, I knew that Wes had all these great qualities about him. They were the reason I loved him, valued him, and vowed to love him until our dying breath. I think it is so extraordinary that everyone saw those qualities in him too though, at the level that I saw them. He didn’t change who he was for anyone. He didn’t try to act like anything he wasn’t. He just was dedicated to being himself, making others feel included, and making as many memories as possible with the people he cared about.

This is yet another lesson that I’ve realized after losing Wes. Once we’re gone, the people we leave behind will only have memories of the moments you were together. They’ll hold those memories in their heads and hearts with a fierce grip because the thought of losing them is gut wrenching. So, maybe instead of skipping out on the dinner with friends because you’re tired from a busy work week, go and share a few laughs. Instead of worrying about how much a weekend out of town with family is going to cost you, scrap up the most money you can, and go create vacation memories that will last a lifetime. Instead of skipping a wedding because you don't know many people going, go and be the first and last on the dance floor (because we know that’s how Wes would do it). Instead of shutting yourself off to getting to know someone new at work, invite them over for dinner or out for a round of golf, because they could be your new best friend (Brett, that one’s for you buddy). So as delicious as life being like a box of chocolates sounds, I think it’s better to describe your life as a box of memories. And you, sweet friend, get to decide how many and what kind of memories you store there. Choose wisely!

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So whether you eat or drink or whatever you do, do it all for the glory of God. 1 Corinthians 10:31