Dear Diary, A Series of Unfortunate Events.

Yall ever feel like God is taking your life and testing out situations that will be used on some sort divine soap opera? (Also…WOW, why are they called that?!) It's almost like he took your life to be a shining inspiration for the book series "A Series of Unfortunate Events". It's these times that make you feel like life is kicking you when you're down.

Let me reiterate…Jesus Christ is my Lord and Savior. I love that dude more than anything and am thankful that he sent his son to die for me and my sins. I’m thankful Jesus walked this Earth and that I have the most perfect example of what a loving, servant heart looks like. BUT, if I’m being honest (and I always am), God really be putting me through it sometimes.

In the past few months, I have felt the weight of so many unfortunate circumstances. Some of these things have directly affected me, while others have affected those near and dear to my heart.

There’s been heart aches.

There’s been loss.

There’s been lies.

There’s been infidelity.

There’s been angry outbursts.

There’s been sickness.

There’s been pain.

There’s been mistrust.

There’s been anger.

There’s been anxiety.

There’s been poor decisions.

There’s been that feeling of defeat.

It’s like the people I care most about and myself can’t catch a fucking break, man. At this point, one of my girlfriends and I have an ongoing joke. When one of us answers the phone, we’re like “One day I’ll have something positive to say, but today is not the day”.

And as much as I want to sit here and say I’m some strong figure of hope and overcoming adversity, I feel really damn tired and probably resemble something close to an emotionally numb zombie. Recently, I’ve had more days where I wake up thinking “Just make it through the day. Put on a brave face until you get to go to sleep tonight.” And while you might be thinking, ‘Great job for pushing through!’, I’m thinking that’s a really shitty way to live. That’s not the way I WANT to live.

No, I want to be spreading positivity. I want to be spreading joy. I want to lift others up. I want to encourage people. I want others to know that the bad days don’t define you. I want to show people that happiness doesn’t equal strength, perseverance does! How do I freaking do that though, when lately, I can’t even convince myself of those things regularly?

Sadly, this post isn’t about some life changing revelation as to how I fixed this problem. So, sorry if you came here looking for that (don’t hate me). No, this is more of venting post.

This post is to tell you that people hurt.

People are overwhelmed.

People are tired.

People are scared.

People are worried.

People are skeptical.

People are sick.

People are sad.

People are grieving.

People are angry.

People aren’t perfect.

But I’m going to tell you like our sweet friend Mel Bennett told me after Wes died, “God isn’t done with you yet.” And, even though we lost that precious light that was Mel Bennett just shy of a month ago, I haven’t forgotten that. She meant something along the lines of ‘what doesn’t kill you, makes you stronger’, and I’m here to put a huge emphasis on that message, not necessarily for a reminder to others, but a reminder to myself.

If you’re still breathing, God isn’t done with you. Don’t you fucking dare let these tough situations keep you in the lowest pit of the valley. Don’t you dare let these shitty circumstances block your light. Don’t you dare allow these uncertain times keep you from trying to see a glimmer of hope.

Don’t *clap* you *clap* fucking *clap* do it!

Before you shoot the messenger, don’t let me let you think this is an easy task. It’s not. It’s REALLY easy to give into the ‘woe is me’ mindset. It’s really easy to let anxiety swallow you whole. But guess what? That’s also a really easy way to live a miserable life, and I refuse to do that (and you should too).

So instead, lean on the people that uplift you. Lean on the people that bring you peace and comfort. Lean on the people who have your best interest in mind.

I can’t promise it’ll be an easy and quick process to change your mindset (I’m still working on this myself). It’ll absolutely be worth it though.

At this point in this rant, I’m not very sure what I’m trying to get at (this is also probably a side effect of it being 1 AM). Just know I’m on your side and we’ll figure out this shit show of a life together. We're not done yet people!

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The Lord himself goes before you and will be with you; he will never leave you nor forsake you. Do not be afraid; do not be discouraged. Deuteronomy 31:8